All this while I thought grief and sadness both meant the same. It was until recently that I realised that grief was vastly different from sadness. I write today as I miss a loved one I lost.
The past few months have been hard, but today out of the blue without any thoughts, I was reminded of the moment they broke the news to me. My dear Ashu, my 13 yo neighbour was no more. She passed away in an accident. To this day, I feel that she is somewhere close by, playing around the building, looking after all our cats. I keep hoping she’ll ring the bell, either to give her house keys or just come home to play.
When you lose someone you love, you not only miss all the good memories but you also grieve the future that could have been. Would she have kept her promise of building a house for us? Would she have called me from somewhere around the planet if she was studying abroad? What kind of a beautiful woman would she have grown into? Would her infectious smile still bring us the same joy? All this I will never know.
I miss the memories exclusively with her. How she came home when the movie Frozen was released. She sang to me “Let it go”. If I heard this iconic song for the first time, it was from her. She knew it by heart and sang in tune.
From ages 0 to 13 — I knew one thing about her, she only smiled. There was never a cranky moment around her. When she was only a kid, I used to think to myself, how can a child be so happy always. I admired her and used to call her “My ball of joy”. When she visited — there was never a dull moment, our house was filled with joy. She would tell us stories from her visits to the zoo, her trips with the family, her favourite Youtube channels, K-pop musicians and so on. If I know CarryMinati or BlackPink it’s because of her. We used to dance to Dua Lipa’s Levitating, so many times.
I have a million memories with her, I am angry that death had to take her and her wonderful father away. I don’t know if there is such a thing as getting over the loss of someone who you loved deeply. But all I hope is that I never forget these memories.
I love you Ashu. I will miss you always.
